To Carry a Purse…

Tara Wilken
2 min readJun 10, 2021

Or not

My godmother and I

Even on the best of days, it can be hard to feel like you are enough.

When you mix in being part of the LGBTQIA+ community (or questioning being a part of the community) it can even be more complicated.

Before I was out as a gay woman, I hid by wearing super bagging clothes.

But I was also hiding from myself.

A lot of gay or lesbian women when they come out go for more masculine or androgynous look.

However, for me as I became more comfortable at being out as a gay woman, I actually went more feminine.

I started dressing more feminine. And wore clothes that actually fit. I became more comfortable in lipstick. Usually mixed with jeans and comfortable shoes of course. 😁

When I came out there weren’t a lot of role models who were openly out and embracing their feminine side. Which made me feel like I wasn’t doing and being enough to be gay.

In fact, the first rude remark I heard was from a group of lesbians.

Because I was carrying a purse.

It took me several years to be comfortable with be gay and carrying a purse.

As it’s Pride month, I felt it was important to mention this story.



Tara Wilken

Well-Being Curator. Empowering high achievers with easy, practical self-care resources. So you can spend time with people who matter.